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Married? You May Need to Learn How to Duck

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more then rubies.

~ Proverbs 31:10

our wedding day

Our wedding day

I hurled the large remote at my husband, landing it squarely on the side of his head. I didn’t really intend for it to hit him (I don’t think), I was just trying to make a point; I hate the movie Red Dawn and I didn’t want to watch it.

When John and I married, I didn’t realize how much I needed to learn about being a good wife. We’d dated for five and a half years before our wedding day and I thought we’d pretty much figured out the whole relationship thing. I guess you could say I was a delusional 20 year-old.

John and I were polar opposites when it came to solving disagreements. John believed you calmly discussed a matter and then made the decision as to how to respond. I, on the other hand, believed you screamed (or threw things) at the disagreeing person until you got your way (or at least made your point).

Needless to say, we had a few grudge matches in the beginning.

The day I threw that brick of a remote at John, I’d begged him not to watch Red Dawn. The movie had given me nightmares in the past and I didn’t want to relive any unpleasant scenarios. I couldn’t believe he was being so callous to my request.

Being that we lived in a 900 square foot mobile home in the middle of a cow pasture, and only had one TV, there

Our dating days

Our dating days

weren’t many options of places to go to get away from the movie, unless I locked myself in the bathroom or joined the cows outside. Neither sounded appealing. So, in my frustration, I loudly accused him of being insensitive and threw the remote at him.

After it landed, his steel blue eyes stared at me, stunned. Neither of us could believe I’d actually done it. Immediately, I regretted my temper tantrum and apologized profusely, but it was too late. John had already shut down into ignore mode. He has this uncanny gift for pretending I’m invisible and mute for days at a time.  Not the best way to bring a quick reconciliation. That fight took quite a while to get over and I don’t even remember if we ended up watching the movie or not!

It’s been said that marriage isn’t a 50/50 relationship, it’s a 100/100 relationship. Over the years I’ve come to understand the meaning of that phrase. When we marry, we have to be all in, willing to go the distance with our spouse. Sometimes we give more to the relationship and sometimes our spouses do. It’s not a meet half-way proposition where we keep score and only give so much. If we want our marriages to work, we have to continually ask God to give us the grace to forgive

The early years

The early years of marriage

and make up. Otherwise, it’s easy to become another sad statistic.

I don’t know about you, but in my own strength I want to hold onto my petty grudges and parade them around like I’m some kind of martyr. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked God to help me get over my selfishness. Sometimes I allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through me, while other times I just can’t seem to let go of the offense. God doesn’t get any glory from my attitude when I refuse to give in.

By the grace of God John and I will celebrate our 29th anniversary this June. Yes, we’ve had many, many more arguments since. Once, I even threw a portable phone at him. Thankfully, he’d learned to move a little quicker and I missed that time.

The point is, we didn’t give up on each other, even in the difficult times.

Marriage is difficult. Most 0f us go into it starstruck with visions of grandeur, only to have reality hit us when we learn our beloved isn’t perfect. But the blessings we receive when we battle the assaults on our marriage are amazing. Don’t let the frustrations and aggravations of married life cause you to raise the white flag of surrender. Stand up and fight, but not against each other.

 

Me and John in Charleston

Me and John in Charleston

Do you have a funny marriage story? I’d love to hear it!

**If you are in an abusive situation, seek help immediately. Never stay with a spouse if you believe you or your child may be in danger.

7 Comments

  1. Great reminder marriage is hard but that there is reward by standing with each other.

    It reminds me of the study we’re doing in Bible Study called Resolving Everyday Conflict. Tonight’s message was about focusing on your relationship more than the issue at hand recognizing relationship matters more. Sounds like you two are a great example of that–despite the battles with remote controls. 🙂

    Love the pics of you two over the years!

    • Thanks Ellen! I found you have to make a conscious decision every day to make it work and not give up. We still have our ups and downs but are committed to one another 🙂

  2. I don’t think I could top the “brick of a remote” if I tried. 🙂 We’re celebrating 24 years this year and although I haven’t actually thrown anything I’m pretty certain my words have done as much damage, if not more, unfortunately.

    Great post, Carol. 🙂

    • It was the 80’s, Cathy and the remote was the actual size of a small brick. Remember those? 🙂 Congrats on 24 years and not having actually thrown anything at him! But you’re right, words can hurt just as much and I’ve certainly thrown my share of those as well. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  3. Hi Carol! Once again, I must say I truly enjoyed reading your blog. And you are right; marriage is 100/100 not 50/50 as some of us are sadly lead to believe in the beginning. Marriage takes work, and it is very easy to want to “raise that white flag” as you mentioned when times are tough. But the rewards of not giving up and fighting for your marriage, I have found, to be far more than just surrendering. After all, none of us is perfect! Thank you once again, for a great posting!

    • Thanks, Kari, for your comment. You’re right, none of us is perfect and the sooner we realize that the sooner our marriages will benefit from it 🙂 I appreciate your stopping by!

  4. I appreciate you sharing this article post.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.

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