“You’ve lost the baby,” the doctor said.
Not again, I thought as tears filled my eyes.
At my follow-up appointment a week later, my doctor told me, “We wait until after your third
miscarriage before recommending further assessment.”
Grief Turns to Anger
After my first miscarriage, I was filled with grief and a sense of failure. The second loss was
even harder. Now I was not only sad and depressed, but I was angry at God.
Losing two pregnancies left me reeling and my faith tested. God, why is this happening to me?
Grandma’s Hard Wisdom
On a quick trip home to visit family, I shared my feelings with my grandmother. While there was
a softness in her eyes, her words had a hard edge. “God doesn’t explain himself,” she said. “So,
do what my mother always told me. Sit down for five minutes and do nothing but feel sorry for
yourself. When those five minutes are up, get up and get back to work. Nothing good ever comes
from a pity party.”
A Life Forged in Hardship
Grandma grew up during the Great Depression. As the oldest in a poor farming family, she never
had time for self-pity. Life was tough, and everyone had to do their part. Taking a day off for
mental health just wasn’t an option.
Her words sound harsh today, but even then, as difficult as they were to hear, I knew they were
true. While I remained sad and angry, I respected her advice and knew she meant well. She was
never a soft or gentle person. But I knew she was a survivor, and I wanted that for myself.
The Power of Perspective
I took her advice and gave myself five minutes to feel sorry for myself. It worked. Five minutes
was plenty.
As time passed, God brought to mind many of the family stories I’d heard as a child. They meant
so much to me that I wrote many of them in my book, Mud Holes and Magnolias: Lessons on
Faith from Mama’s Stories. One of the more tragic stories was when their house burned down,
and they lost everything. As the smoke rose, they stood together, held hands, and thanked God
for keeping them safe. They asked Him for strength to move forward and trusted He would
provide. I couldn’t help but ask myself, “Would thanking God have been the first thing I would
have done, or would I have wallowed in self-pity?”
Recalling my family’s spiritual legacy gave me the strength to move forward.
Borrowing Strength from Those Before Me
If Grandma could get through losing her home and everything she owned, I could get through
these miscarriages. My loss was real, but not uncommon. Other women before me had trusted
God and kept going in faith. So would I.
A Legacy of Faith Under Fire
A house fire wasn’t the only faith test Grandma endured.
Hunger during the Great Depression, miles from town with no car.
Three sons were sent overseas during World War II, with only occasional letters.
The loss of the family farm occurred when my grandfather became bedridden.
Widowhood, followed by joining the workforce as a senior citizen, because she had no
income.
And yet, I never saw her feel sorry for herself.
What I did see was that she read her Bible every day and lived by her beliefs.
Wrestling with God and Growing
My anger at God was real and understandable, but over time, it faded as I read the Scriptures and
prayed. During that time, my faith grew stronger, and I learned to trust His plan more.
While we never had another child, God led us to adoption. That was always His plan for us. To
accept this path, I leaned on the lessons of faith from my family. Sadly, my grandma passed
away before our son came home, but I believe she’s smiling down on him from Heaven.
Family Stories Sustain the Generations
Sharing stories and experiences at the dinner table or around a campfire helps our children
understand their spiritual roots. No online resource can replace the lessons they’ll learn from the
people who love them most.
The Legacy You Leave Behind
Even though we don’t like to think about it, our children will face their own challenges someday.
Whether it’s something their grandparents went through or struggles we faced, we want them to
draw strength from those who came before.
Our stories, our perseverance, and our faith might be what help them get through tough times.
And maybe, they’ll gain strength from knowing that those who love them most survived
hardships without losing faith, and they can too.
Ginny Cruz, MPA, PT, is an award-winning author and pediatric physical therapist. Her latest
book, The New Mom’s Guide: Help and Hope for Baby’s First Year, takes the guesswork out of
baby’s first year, giving moms simple, purposeful ways to play, connect, and support their
baby’s development—without overwhelm. In addition to her monthly blog, her work appears on
Focus on the Family. She is the mother of two grown sons, married to her college sweetheart,
and enjoys morning coffee, hiking, and reading. Connect with her at ginnycruz.com and
subscribe to her blog and newsletter for more encouraging developmental tips.