Merry Christmas Y’all! I know as this episode drops it Thanksgiving week but since Thanksgiving is so late this year, I wanted to get a head start on Christmas! I’ve got my tree up already so I can enjoy it longer and I’m not sad about that at all!
Another reason I wanted to go ahead and release this episode is because I’m sharing some Christmas traditions, and you may want to implement some of these ideas into your own family and might need a little time to prepare.
So, I’m going to share a little research, a few fun and meaningful Christmas traditions and some fun Christmas stories as well as something we did when our family was grieving and having a hard time wanting to celebrate the holiday at all that helped a lot.
You can read my Guideposts story The Marriage That Started with Spaghetti as well as find my recipe for baked spaghetti
New York Times research article by Bruce Feiler, The Stories That Bind Us
Read my blog post, Need Meaningful Christmas Gift Ideas? Take Some Hints from the Wise Men, to find out how I incorporate gold, frankincense and myrrh into our family’s Christmas traditions
Listen to How Christmas Traditions Can Help Build Strong Families with Carol Roper
Watch on YouTube How Christmas Traditions Can Help Build Strong Families with Carol Roper
Transcript
Merry Christmas Y’all! I know as this episode drops it Thanksgiving week but since Thanksgiving is so late this year, I wanted to get a head start on Christmas! I’ve got my tree up already so I can enjoy it longer and I’m not sad about that at all! Haha.
Another reason I wanted to go ahead and release this episode is because I’m sharing some Christmas traditions, and you may want to implement some of these ideas into your own family and might need a little time to prepare.
So, I’m going to share a little research, a few fun and meaningful Christmas traditions and some fun Christmas stories as well as something we did when our family was grieving and having a hard time wanting to celebrate the holiday at all that helped a lot.
OK, so let’s get started!
As you should know by now, I have a real passion for building strong families because I’ve always believed that strong family’s equal strong communities. And it turns out there’s lots of research to back that up. But since we’re focusing on Christmas today, there’s a New York Times article I read years ago I’d like to share with you.
In Bruce Feiler’s 2013 article titled The Stories that Bind Us, he wondered what is the secret sauce that holds a family together? And what ingredients make some families effective, resilient, happy? So, he began doing some research on his own and found some surprising results. The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative. What exactly is a narrative, you might wonder. Well, simply put it’s your family story.
Bruce first heard this idea from Marshall Duke, a colorful psychologist at Emory University. In the mid-1990s, Dr. Duke was asked to help explore myth and ritual in American families.
In Dr. Duke’s research he wanted to find out not why the family was dissipating, because there had already been a lot of research done about that, but what families could do to counteract those negative forces.
Around that time, Dr. Duke’s wife, Sara, a psychologist who worked with children who had learning disabilities, noticed that the students who knew a lot about their families tended to do better when they faced challenges.
So, Dr. Duke and his colleague, Robyn Fivush, set out to test her hypothesis. They developed a measure called the “Do You Know?” scale that asked children to answer 20 questions.
Some of the questions they asked were: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met? Do you know an illness or something terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth?
Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush asked those questions of four dozen families in the summer of 2001, and recorded several of their dinner table conversations. They then compared the children’s results to a battery of psychological tests they had taken and reached an overwhelming conclusion. The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned. The “Do You Know?” scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.
The bottom line: if you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.
If you think back to your childhood, are there any special memories or traditions that brought comradery into your family? For example, when you hear a certain song with another family member are you both immediately taken back to what may have been an ordinary moment that became a special memory?
I know when my sister, Lisa, and I hear the song I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor, we’re immediately transported back to our house on Earle Street in 1979 where I’d be washing, and she’d be drying the dishes, and we’d belt that song to the top of our lungs! Even though we were doing a mundane task, we found a way to make it fun and even created a special memory for ourselves, probably much to our neighbor’s chagrin.
When my daughter was 18 months old Mariah Carey’s now infamous song All I Want for Christmas was just released. When I heard that song on the radio, I’d always pick her up and swing her around. She’d giggle as I sang the lyrics of the song to her. As she grew older, we’d do a crazy dance together whenever the song came on. Of course, I bought the CD so we’d have lots of opportunities to sing and dance during the Christmas season. Now that she’s 31 the song still brings a special feeling for both of us. Sometimes we’ll just glance at each other knowingly, other times we’ll belt it out together.
These songs have become part of my family’s story. Are there any special songs that bring nostalgia to you and your loved ones? If not, try to find a song your family loves and play it often and encourage them to sing along with you. Who cares what you sound like as long as you’re having fun!
Another tradition my mom started years ago with the grandkids was gifting each of them a pair of pajamas when we celebrated Christmas Eve together at their house. It was always the first gift opened and once the paper was torn off each child would run to different areas of my parent’s small house to change into their Christmas pjs. The kids always looked forward to it, even the boys. My mom delighted in choosing special ones that fit each child’s personality, and it was a hit with the kids.
Even once the older granddaughters married, they still wanted to have pjs on Christmas Eve to open. After a while, though, the guys felt like they were too old to participate so now the great grands have the pleasure of opening pjs, and yes, they love and look forward to it too.
A tradition that was sort of accidentally started was our family traveling to Gatlinburg every year for my husband, John’s, birthday, which is in early December. Ever since the kids were young John wanted to spend his birthday with us at his favorite place. We’ve made so many wonderful memories there with the kids. I remember one year when they were about 7 and 10, the temperature dropped significantly more than predicted and we had to go buy coats and hats to keep warm. Thankfully Gatlinburg is known for its outlet stores, so we didn’t have to break the bank to outfit us. Later that weekend, when we took the kids to Dollywood, it started to snow. Since we live in South Carolina and don’t see much snow, the white flakes coming down around us made the setting seem magical. Drinking hot chocolate in the snow at Dollywood with our kids is such a great memory for our family.
Even today we still take off to Gatlinburg every year, but in addition to our kids, we have a son and daughter-in-law, two grandsons and one granddaughter, along with a couple who are very dear friends. Yes, things look a lot different now, but everyone still looks forward to this weekend every year.
Is there someplace special you and your family go every year around Christmas? Maybe it’s over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house. Or maybe it’s the local Christmas parade. It can even be riding around looking at Christmas lights. If you don’t have a Christmas destination tradition, why not come up with some place you think your family will enjoy?
Another idea that’s really more of a tip is one I learned from my friend Frieda. She always bought different wrapping paper for each of her kids so that she didn’t have to worry about name tags, and she could tailor each paper to fit her child’s personality. One year I decided I was going to do that for my family and didn’t realize how much easier it made keeping up with different gifts for different people. So, I found some cute pink Christmas paper for my daughter and a nutcracker paper for my son, since he loves to collect nutcrackers. I even do a special one for my husband. You can keep the same paper over the years or change it up every Christmas. I find the best quality Christmas paper that’s the most economical choice at Hobby Lobby. There’s plenty of paper in every roll and they have some really cute designs. And Marshall’s and Home Goods have some unique designs for a great price too. I once found a paper with heavy equipment on it I used for my grown son’s gifts. Since he’s a utility contractor he appreciated the theme!
And if you’d like to make Christmas morning a little more focused on the reason for the season, I have another tradition I’d like to share. I wish I could give credit to the creator of this idea I read somewhere years ago but I can’t remember the source. As my kids were getting older, I was concerned about focusing too much on the gifts and not our Savior. When I read this article, I knew it would bring more meaning to our Christmas morning.
The author shared that she decided to give each of her children 3 special gifts that represented the 3 gifts of the magi to Jesus. Because gold, frankincense and myrrh are listed in the Bible, she decided to give gifts that represented what those items mean and wrap them each in coordinating paper.
The first gift, myrrh, is a fragrance, often used as medicine for pain as well as embalming. Because Jesus came to suffer and die for us, was buried and rose again, this gift reflects his sacrifice. I give each person some sort of fragrant gift to represent myrrh. Many times, it’s perfume or cologne, but sometimes I’ve done beard balm, candles or aromatherapy. Anything with an aroma to remind us of Christ’s suffering and death. Whatever best suits your gift recipient. Since myrrh is brownish burgundy color, all of those gifts are wrapped in that color.
The second gift, frankincense, was traditionally burned in the temple as an offering to God. By bringing this gift to Jesus the Magi affirmed He was no ordinary man: he is both fully man and fully God. This gift represent us drawing closer to God. Usually, I give a Bible, devotional or book, or if your gift recipient doesn’t like to read, like my daughter, you can give jewelry with a special word on it, or I’ve even given a framed verse to hang on her wall or a sweatshirt I know she’ll like with a Bible verse. Think about what would mean the most to the recipient that would point them to Jesus. It can be a song (an i-tunes gift card) or a little calendar with daily scripture on it. This gift is wrapped in white, since frankincense is a milky white color.
And lastly, gold is a symbol of Jesus’ kingship on earth. Because it was the most valuable, that is the most expensive gift the person is given and is probably the one the recipient will be most excited about. It is wrapped, of course, in gold paper as a reminder that Christ is our King.
I set these gifts apart from the other gifts. The first year I did this the kids were going crazy wondering why they had these three special gifts and what was the significance of them. I didn’t tell them until they had opened all of their other gifts, and they were delighted at the fun and meaningful significance of these presents. I now include my son and daughter-in-law, as well as my grandkids in this tradition. And since my dad passed away, I now include my mom.
Before I go to my last Christmas idea, I want to share what I usually make for Christmas night dinner with my husband’s family. Since both of John’s parents have passed, I now host the celebration at our house. I’m not at all known for my cooking with the exception of one dish, baked spaghetti. It was served at a progressive dinner the night I met my husband at a youth group function at our church on Christmas Eve 1979! My mother-in-law, June, served it many times over the years and since I loved it so much finally asked for the recipe. It’s a hit with almost everyone and last year, when I didn’t make the spaghetti my nephews and their wives, as well as my own kids, were disappointed. So, this year I’ll be serving them their favorite dish. And since it’s the Roper Christmas it will also remind us of Granny, their grandmother. I submitted the story about my husband and I first meeting along with the baked spaghetti recipe to Guideposts Magazine and it was published in their October 2014 issue titled It All Started with Spaghetti. I’ll have a link to that article in the show notes at CarolRoper.org where you can also find pictures of us and our family.
Here’s one more idea I’d like to share. This, thank goodness isn’t a tradition, but it was a meaningful idea that helped my family get through our first Christmas without my dad. Daddy died of Covid on December 10, 2020, 15 days before Christmas. Because my dad had been in the hospital since the beginning of December, decorating was the last thing on my mom’s mind. To be honest it was the last thing on all of our minds. After the funeral Mom didn’t know how to proceed with Christmas since we’d always celebrated at their house on Christmas Eve. We wanted to keep things as normal as possible for the kids, but it was just so hard to think about. Mom didn’t want to drag out the artificial tree and finally decided to just go get a real tree from our local hardware store. The young man who owns the store knows our family and what we were dealing with and kindly gave my mom the tree she chose.
When she’d decided to put a tree up, I knew getting the decorations down would be too taxing on her so I came up with an idea that would help out as well as become a special tribute to my dad. I created a secret Facebook group so my mom wouldn’t see it and invited lots of people who knew my dad. I asked if they would do something meaningful to help my mom and our family through this very difficult Christmas. Would they want to send my mom an ornament that represented what they thought about when my dad came to mind. Then I said if they would private message me I would give them my mom’s address to send the ornament. Of course, I only gave this information to people I knew.
Mom called me when she received her first ornament. She thought it was such a sweet gesture, and I finally told her why she’d received it. So many friends and members of our community participated as well as my dad’s family, who mostly live in New York and weren’t able to come to the funeral. Since my dad was a truck driver, served in the army, enjoyed wood working, loved his church and his family my mom received many with these themes. One lady who was my sister’s best friend growing up, found an ornament fashioned after a bottle of the soft drink Squirt, the nickname Daddy had given her that stuck. The ornaments came in right up until Christmas and the tree was filled with just those special ornaments that represented my dad. I’m so grateful that our friends, family and community were thoughtful enough to help us get through the toughest Christmas our family has had to face yet. And if you were one of those special people who took the time and energy to send mom an ornament during the midst of your own busy holiday, I want to thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Our entire family thanks you. Mom has added back her usual ornaments to the tree but now includes those very special ones as a reminder of what Daddy meant to so many others.
If you’re experiencing fresh grief from losing a loved one and are finding it hard to celebrate this year, maybe some version of this could bring a small glimmer of joy as you remember that person.
Whew! I know I threw a lot at you in this episode but hopefully there were one or two ideas that resonated with you that can be implemented with your own family and friends.
Oh, and one more thing. Our church always has a candlelight Christmas Eve service that is a sweet time of remembrance of the reason for our celebration which our family attends together before we head to Mom’s house for dinner and gifts with my extended family. I hope you have a church you regularly attend that has a similar celebration. If not, I’m sure there are plenty of special services where you’d be welcome to attend.
As I mentioned before, this is my last episode for 2024. I’ll be back around the first of February with more great guests who will bring encouragement and inspiration to you. I wish you a season of blessings and love with good times with family and friends. But most of all I pray you would have a chance to celebrate Christ’s birth in your own heart and with your family. Let’s never let the holidays get so busy that we forget the best gift we could have ever been given, our salvation through Jesus Christ.
As I close out this special Christmas episode, I’d like to pray this prayer for you, written by Stephanie Raquel:
Father, I pray that You will turn our hearts toward You as Christmas approaches. Let us not get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the season this year and miss the chance to celebrate the gifts of hope, peace, joy, love that you sent to us on that first Christmas. That first Christmas You gave us the gift of Hope wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger. Thank You, Father, for Your immeasurable gift. In Jesus precious name we pray. Amen.
Enjoy your family and loved ones during this Christmas season and remember to never give up! Keep building strong, y’all! Merry Christmas!