I imagined life slowing down as my husband and I grew older. Our boys would have
families of their own, and we would enjoy an intentional, but unhurried lifestyle. Thirty-
seven years later, we continue to work hard, enjoy ministry, and our six grandchildren,
but the speed of life deserves a hefty fine.
Brian plays every instrument except the violin, is part of both a bluegrass band and the
worship team at our church, and so much more. With these talents, however, come
weekly practices, outings, and gigs. Add weekly to-dos like mowing four acres and
caring for a stubborn pool that refuses to behave, and it’s easy to see why we often find
ourselves, even as empty nesters, rolling through life on the same road, but in separate
lanes.
Without realizing it, we had allowed good and godly activities to pervade our time
together as a couple, leaving us vulnerable and disconnected. Although we had prayed
for our marriage and family over the years, we began to pray more specifically. We
asked God for wisdom and discernment in guarding our time with Him and with one
another, to ignite a deep desire for spending time together, and for practical ideas to
carry out these desires in everyday life.
Over time, God gave us those ideas, and He continues to give more, but here are four
we are currently enjoying:
Weekly Catch-up We had good intentions. We wanted to spend quality time each night
to catch up on our day and enjoy each other’s company, but this didn’t happen nearly as
much as we wanted or needed until we put the idea of choosing a specific day and time
into motion. We chose Sunday nights after dinner, along with questions that help guide
us forward in our desire to stay connected throughout the week:
How are you… really?
How does your week look?
How can I help you? How can I pray for you?
Candlelight dinners I could’ve sold tickets to see my husband’s face the first night he
walked in from work to find the lights dimmed instead of brightened by the TV. Brian
leaves home before daybreak and returns later than most because of his one-hour
drive. We had fallen into the habit of watching a fun television show while eating to help
him wind down after a busy day. But the idea of having a candlelit dinner once or twice
a week ministered to both of us, partly because there was no expectation for meaningful
conversations and mostly because God knew how much we needed a reminder that
beauty is possible amid chaos.
Cuddle time This is a favorite because the Lord gave it to Brian, and he faithfully put it
into action. On Tuesday nights, we set aside thirty minutes to shut our bedroom door
and talk about whatever is on our minds while we cuddle. That’s it. Our conversation
could be work-related, or something funny our grandkids said. It’s a sweet time that
often ends in laughter. We look forward to “cuddle time,” but for Henry, our Velcro
Goldendoodle, it’s the longest half hour of his week.
Shared activity I’m an indoor treadmill kind of girl, but not Brian. He recently pulled his
road bike out from the barn, polished it to a blinding shine, and grinned from ear to ear.
While I enjoy seeing him excited and try to support him in every way possible, I draw the
line at riding a bike. Balancing is no longer my friend, but that didn’t deter my husband,
so if you spot me riding my Mooncool adult trike in the color Lake Blue on nearby trails,
be sure to wave while simultaneously staying far, far away for your own protection.
I’m learning that I can’t change the speed of life, but prayer from an intentional heart,
with specific requests that rest in God’s sovereignty, can bring lasting refreshment to
marriage and every aspect of life.
Cathy Baker is an award-winning writer, poet, Bible teacher, and author whose work encourages readers to encounter God in the ordinary moments of life. She is the author of Making Room for God: A Creative Guide for Praying Throughout Your Home. Her writing has been featured in Guideposts, Living Real magazine, Southern Writer, Chicken Soup for the Soul, The Upper Room, and Focus on the Family’s Thriving Family, and she is a contributing writer for Salem Media. Cathy lives in the foothills of the Carolinas with her husband, Brian, and their spoiled doodle, Henry.
Website: https://www.cathybaker.org
Instagram:@cathysbaker